Hello followers, readers new and old alike. I know I sort of fell off the face of the planet towards the end of February, and for that I apologize. When my boyfriend’s father went to the hospital I took it kind of hard, mostly by evaluating my own health. I am a relatively healthy individual, aside from dealing with depression I don’t have any health complications nor am I at serious risk of developing any at this point in my life. However, I am overweight and I am realizing more and more often just how much I hate myself, my body because of it. So for the last month I have basically been coming to terms with myself and putting a plan in place to help me lose weight. I just have had very little motivation, I don’t really have much of a support system and it is a struggle. The struggle caused my depression to spiral, I lost interest in things like reading and blogging. I feel at a loss a lot of the time and just have so little motivation. Then last week happened.
Last week I discovered Amazon’s Mechanical Turk Program, working on human intelligence tasks (a form of data processing) from home. Now, it isn’t insane money but I am making a couple dollars for a few hours of my time. It felt good to be doing something. Then my mom contacted me about an opening at her company in their production department, which is local. So I got all of the information I needed, filled out, and sent in my application on Monday afternoon. Not even 20mins later, my mom text me to tell me that she had just found out that they had filled the position that day. I was so upset, I cried…it was the perfect, dream job opportunity which fit in well with my degree. Then yesterday, my boyfriend was looking at job postings in the school district he works for and I subbed in a couple years ago and found a posting for a library assistant position. I immediately rebounded and I submitted an application and my relevant certifications, I am hoping to hear from them this week since today is the last day they are accepting applications.
I am trying to be positive, but I am still scared and my depression is whispering dark things to me. I need this job, I need this opportunity… I want to do and be more than I am now and I think this is a step in the right direction and it will help me stay motivated which will leak over to staying motivated about getting healthier.
Please send positive vibes my way, I will keep you posted. I am going to slowly make my way back, I am starting to feel more like myself than I had in a while…I just need to stay motivated…
*hugs* to each and every one of you, I love and have missed this community so much. I am sorry for such a downer of an entry, but I just really needed to rant and sort my thoughts out a bit. I know everything happens for a reason and I am hoping that not getting the Production Coordinator job means that the Library Assistant job is perhaps a better opportunity for me. Wish me luck and send me good vibes please!