Status Update – 3/23/15

Hello followers, readers new and old alike.  I know I sort of fell off the face of the planet towards the end of February, and for that I apologize.  When my boyfriend’s father went to the hospital I took it kind of hard, mostly by evaluating my own health.  I am a relatively healthy individual, aside from dealing with depression I don’t have any health complications nor am I at serious risk of developing any at this point in my life.  However, I am overweight and I am realizing more and more often just how much I hate myself, my body because of it.  So for the last month I have basically been coming to terms with myself and putting a plan in place to help me lose weight.  I just have had very little motivation, I don’t really have much of a support system and it is a struggle.  The struggle caused my depression to spiral, I lost interest in things like reading and blogging.  I feel at a loss a lot of the time and just have so little motivation.  Then last week happened.

Last week I discovered Amazon’s Mechanical Turk Program, working on human intelligence tasks (a form of data processing) from home.  Now, it isn’t insane money but I am making a couple dollars for a few hours of my time.  It felt good to be doing something.  Then my mom contacted me about an opening at her company in their production department, which is local.  So I got all of the information I needed, filled out, and sent in my application on Monday afternoon.  Not even 20mins later, my mom text me to tell me that she had just found out that they had filled the position that day.  I was so upset, I cried…it was the perfect, dream job opportunity which fit in well with my degree.  Then yesterday, my boyfriend was looking at job postings in the school district he works for and I subbed in a couple years ago and found a posting for a library assistant position.  I immediately rebounded and I submitted an application and my relevant certifications, I am hoping to hear from them this week since today is the last day they are accepting applications.

I am trying to be positive, but I am still scared and my depression is whispering dark things to me.  I need this job, I need this opportunity… I want to do and be more than I am now and I think this is a step in the right direction and it will help me stay motivated which will leak over to staying motivated about getting healthier.

Please send positive vibes my way, I will keep you posted.  I am going to slowly make my way back, I am starting to feel more like myself than I had in a while…I just need to stay motivated…

*hugs* to each and every one of you, I love and have missed this community so much.  I am sorry for such a downer of an entry, but I just really needed to rant and sort my thoughts out a bit.  I know everything happens for a reason and I am hoping that not getting the Production Coordinator job means that the Library Assistant job is perhaps a better opportunity for me.  Wish me luck and send me good vibes please!

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7 Comments

  1. Hi Melanie! I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend’s father. I hope that he is feeling better. I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve dealt with similar things as you have. I’ve been through depression and it’s no easy feat. I felt the same way about job hunting ever since I graduated. I felt down and cried for days because I didn’t get the internship position I needed in order to be certified. I feel like nothing is open for me right now that is related to the field I studied. A couple of of weeks back, I was blessed to get hired as a tutor at my college. It’s not what I planned for, it’s not exactly what I wanted but it’s something for now. I believe that everything happens for a reason as well — I’m a firm believer of God. I know that I got the tutoring gig for a reason, mostly still unknown, but now I’m certain I didn’t want that internship and I just want to teach and pursue anything book related. It also solidified my decision to apply to Barnes and Noble (haha). We never know where life is going to take us but we have to be positive that we’ll get out of the rut that we’re in.

    When depression is whispering, scream about all the great things in life. Breathe in. That in itself is a gift. You’re alive and living another day. Even in your circumstance, you’re more blessed and richer than millions of others across the world and across any time period. You are loved. You are thought of. I struggled for a long time with that — and sometimes it still is a struggle but you fight. You fight it because darkness has no place here 🙂 The bookish community will always be there for you, will always support you. We’ll always be here if you need motivation! I’m rooting for you! I sending prayers and positive vibes your way! Good luck on your search and I pray that you get to where you need to be. I hope that you feel better and if you ever need any motivation or need someone to talk to, I’m a great cheerleader 😀 and a great listener!

    • Ahhhh, Anjeline your comment is just amazing and filled with all of those good things that a person really needs to hear!!!<3

      My boyfriend's dad has been doing a lot better since being released from the hospital at the beginning of the month. He has been put on medication to help control his heart rate and has also been told that he needs to lose some weight, so he has been dieting and exercising and I am hoping it will work out for him in the end.

      I feel like there are a lot of issues with how the job market works, it is becoming more and more difficult for new graduates to find work because most employers want experience and college courses typically don't count for that so unless you were lucky enough to participate in a work study program or grab an internship during the summers, you just won't have the experience they are typically looking for. For me, I am an Accounting major which should have a lot of opportunities, but I am also a mom so I had to choose between school or work a lot of the time because doing both on top of raising my daughter was just too stressful. Things have eased up a lot now that she is older and at a school with a great after-school program and since I am in a holding pattern with my university, I am back in the hunt for work until I can finish the last 3 classes I have towards my BS. That is why I got so excited over the Production Coordinator position because it is actually something that is relevant to my degree and had room to grow and was with a company that I know and have a great deal of respect for. Oh well, again everything happens for a reason and who knows perhaps this Library Assistant job will work out and I can inspire a love of reading into a new generation much like I have done with my daughter (I swear, she reads just as much as I do and she is only going to be 8 next month).

      Thanks again for all of the kind words, you are a wonderful and amazing person! Best of luck with the Barnes and Noble position, perhaps we shall both be bookish employees in the book blog community soon enough<3

  2. I’m glad you found my comment to your liking! I hope it helped. Oh! I hope that it does work out well for him! Dieting and losing weight are easily some of the hardest things to do — I hear a lot about it (plus, personal experience) and I studied Dietetics and Nutrition haha. I agree, there is definitely something wrong with the job market. It’s unfair for companies to covet experience on entry level positions.

    That’s so commendable of you, being a mother and going through school – another difficult feat and you’ve been pushing through! You’re almost done. 3 more classes to go! That’s a great job as well, inspiring others to read. It’s especially hard nowadays with so many distractions. That’s great to hear about your daughter! You don’t see many children that age so keen on reading!

    That would be great to have bookish positions! Hopefully we can go far with it! And I meant it, I’m a comment or message away!

  3. Pingback: Liebster Award – 3/30/2015 | Reviews of a Self Proclaimed Bibliophile

  4. Pingback: Status Update – 4/6/2015 | Reviews of a Self Proclaimed Bibliophile

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